Heart Posture of Training

I have always loved working out. Training. Coming up with random little lifts, challenges, etc. And I have gotten the question many times, in a bit of a bewildered, you’re crazy for doing what you do, “Why do you do that to yourself?” Haha, the question makes me laugh a bit. I think, in another sense, and I have thought the same thing sometimes, “Why do I kill myself in a workout on a random Tuesday morning?” And, the answer was relatively easier to address and come across while I was playing sports. I played volleyball from 5th grade to senior year of college, and there was always a goal in mind: be great on the court. Physical training and taking care of your body off of the court will produce results you want on the court. Right??

But, what happened to that motivation when I came to college and didn’t get playing time at all (minus the few opportunities to serve the ball and play one or two points at the end of set 3 of a random match) until my last year of college volleyball? Maybe, part of it, was the hope that I would finally earn enough respect off the court to get a chance. But, that was not too sustainable. Worked a bit, having the “chip on your shoulder” mentality. But, proving people wrong sets you up for a heart posture of temporary satisfaction, because then, you are working hard extrinsically. For acknowledgement and recognition from others. It gets to be exhausting. But, naturally we love to do it. It is motivating. Let me work hard enough so that my coach tells me I did a good job. Woo! Let me lift heavy weights and get a PR so that my strength coach and my teammates see that I am strong and impressive. Let me run fast so I can beat everyone around me. Win the game. But okay, you did it, you won, then what?

And, as I write this, much of that mindset is applicable to the way I thought, and still think to some extent. I will blame it on the competitive nature of an athlete! And, I don’t think there’s anything inherently bad about being competitive. There’s greatness in it! We are called to have drive! However, the competitive drive can draw in our sense of pride and comparison very quickly, if we are not grounded in something greater.

So, what, then? What mindset am I supposed to have here?

About a year and a half ago, I had a conversation with someone about the general motivation behind recreationally working out. They were an ex athlete who still enjoyed a good lift. We talked about how it was interesting, especially in today’s world and culture of the Instagram workout influencers and whatnot, how much motivation and drive of people to work out is for aesthetics. That seems to be the underlying message, at least. 2 week ab challenge to get toned abs! Have a tiny waist and a big butt to fit the perfect beauty standard by doing x,y, and z! Easy! Lower your cortisol so that your face can be slim and that jawline can be snatched!

And, these things, the toning of your body, the lowering of inflammation in your body, the growth of muscle, these are all things that result in training, in taking care of your body. They are not inherently bad! They, I would argue, showing progress, have the potential to be healthy markers. But, what is the underlying message of prioritizing all of this? Look good. Get that body. Aesthetics. Pride in having the best body so people can see you and admire you.

I have found that chasing aesthetics is simply not sustainable. It’s not the way things are supposed to be! It’s a shame that our society emphasizes it so much. But, here we are.

And you may not feel this way, and I surely would love to say that, No! I have never had this lens of motivation. That’s shallow. Yet, I obviously have, and still do to some extent. And you may think, what’s so wrong about wanting that!

It’s prideful.

It’s glorifying yourself, not God.

So, what did I talk about with this person next?

They were saying how they have tried to shift their mindset to gratitude. God has graced us with a body that we get to take care of. So, how do we honor and thank him for what he has given us?

The human body is so capable, so cool. It can go beyond the limits that our small human minds place. So, in a means of gratitude and awe and wonder, why would I not go and see how far I can go in a workout, plus some, to challenge and strengthen my body and mind?

I think it’s so cool, what our bodies can do. How our minds work sometimes with, and sometimes against, our bodies. How we can grow our muscles by lifting metal. By wrapping these rubber bands around our legs or waists to increase resistance, so that when we take away the resistance we are stronger and faster than we were before we even had the resistance. [“Resistance training” - NEW IDEA SO COOL JESUS - this will be a future writing.]

And this became my mindset when the others failed me. Awe and Gratitude. And, as I became a retired athlete, an alum of William and Mary womens volleyball (go Tribe), my true motivations and intentions became exposed tremendously. I no longer have a sport to stay fit for. A team to compete with and against. A spot to fight for. A specific physique to maintain. A workout packet required to follow. And, while the rest and freedom was quite refreshing, my post-athletics time quickly became all out of sorts. My motivation to workout consistently left me, and some guilt about not working out simultaneously followed. I lacked (and still lack) any desire to train for a marathon, maybe a hyrox? Probably not. But any competition, I was like, I’m good. But then what? I just do nothing? I can’t do that?! That’s not healthy. But then, is it not healthy because I feel that way or because I feel the guilt of not doing anything? I want to want to workout! But I don’t want to right now! I must be a slob. I can feel the bleh of not moving really after a week. Uh oh. I was in the best shape of my life, and, now what?

I had to stop the spiraling thoughts. So, I began to think, what, really, has been the core of my desire to train, and, if anything, what should it shift to?

Gratitude. That is what gets me out of bed in the mornings. What gets me to train. And not just move my body, but challenge my body.

If Christ suffered on the cross, then I can suffer for a drastically shorter amount of time with tremendously less pain to refine my body to glorify him!

Thank you Jesus that I am able. Able to get out of bed. Go on a walk. A run. A sprint. Lift weights. Do hard things.

Thank you that you have gifted me the opportunity to challenge myself and grow.

Thank you that I do not do it alone.

To you be the honor and glory and blessing and power, forever and ever. Amen.