Perversion of Purity
Idea Sparked January 26, 2025
Written August 3, 2025
Refined August 18, 2025
Society has perverted the essence of purity and what it was created to mean.
There’s so much to talk about here, so we will see how this unfolds. I’ll start with a bit about my own experience.
Growing up, I was always called sweet, innocent, good, pure. And, sure, on the surface, those are kind, admirable words. But the context of which these were used to describe me often left me feeling embarrassed, belittled, and small.
I always got the oh Bella, you’re too sweet to be here. This is too much for you. You probably wouldn’t like this kind of thing. I didn’t get invited to things because people had a perception that I was too innocent to ‘have fun’ or that I was fragile. That, in my formative years of middle school and high school, and because I was not secure in these qualities of mine as being positive and powerful, led to a heart posture of me trying to prove that I could hang! I can have fun! I could have a good time!! I belong!
I remember in 6th grade, I remember a group activity where we wrote a word or phrase that we had associated ourselves with that we felt tied down to or insecure in. We shared, then we all ripped the pieces of paper as a sign that it did not define us. My phrase: “good”. It was hard for me to explain out loud why I had written this, and I could feel the reactions of the people around me as I attempted, oh here she goes about her problem with being too good, what a tough life she must live. Satan had twisted the gift of pureness into shame and embarassment, and I had little hope that there was remotely anyone I could talk to that would understand this seemingly small struggle.
Then came high school. I was barely ever invited to parties, but not too interested in the high school house party scene anyways. But we had prom and whatnot, and after those were of course, afterparties. Classic. I hosted one, and I remember not drinking but trying out a juul (throwback lol) and everyone was like no wayyy Bella Easton is doing that??? I feel like it was that classic, “proving myself” moment. Not because I really cared about it for myself, but because I no longer wanted to be seen as weak, square, or too “good”.
Then came college, no one knew my reputation, and it was like a clean slate. I went out, I partied a bit, nothing wild, but at one point I remember consistently wanting to get drunk. I knew it was wrong to get drunk (Ephesians 5:18, Proverbs 20:1), but no longer had convictions about it. It was the normal thing to do! And, it wasn’t like I was doing anything I really regretted! (Shoutout Satan for those complacencies) Then conviction came, but desires didn’t change. I remember distinctly coming to a point where I wanted my desires to change. I started praying about it, and then one day, about a month later, they just… did. Shoutout Jesus.
So, soon enough, people figured out that I didn’t drink or hook up, and I got the classic response once again. “Oh, sorry we are doing this around you.” “Good for you that you don’t do all of this” “You probably think I’m a bad person for this, huh?”
None of it was said to be rude, but I had to develop a confidence in my choices because it felt like people either pitied me or feared I was judging them.
(Shoutout to my good friend and sister in Christ Audrey for this one): I think statements like that, “Sorry I’m doing this around you”, subtly suggest, “I have the power to corrupt you.”
It’s a weird reverse disrespect. Like, “I don’t actually believe you’ll stick to your convictions if I’m around.” But, I have realized that most of the time, those comments reflect their own insecurity and convictions, not mine. People are more convicted then they like to lead on. And they don’t know how to respond to someone doing something different.
Fast forward, I started getting attention from guys, something that hadn’t really happened before. But, I was approached here and there, and then fast forward to my last couple of years, I had multiple experiences where guys were attracted to me because I was a “good Christian girl” (which again, I’m writing this and it’s not inherently bad, but continuing on…) A few of them would start their sentences there and end it with something like they didn’t know if they could part with their ways and habits to make the effort to be with me. Which, fair enough, perfectly fine. They were honest/self-aware. But I remember each time hearing that “praise” from a guy, I wouldn’t feel like oh my goodness I’m flattered! I would feel like, almost gross. But, why? As I was talking with Audrey about this later on, she made the point about the whole “good girl" sexual innuendo. In many cases, , “good girl” is not a compliment. It’s a challenge. It’s a sexualized fantasy, the idea of taking someone’s innocence. And, again, there was that silent I don’t want to ruin her, which I guess I respect in a way but the fantasy itself is already perverse. And so, when someone reduces that sacred pursuit to a steryotype or a sexual fantasy, it make sense that it feels off, because it is off. They’re not seeing me, they’re seeing a projection of their won struggle. And I’m not a test for someone’s self-control.
And the idea that my purity is just something to be conquered or admired like a trophy, rather than something sacred and strong to partner with and encourage me and be encouraged, cheapens what purity is really about. And, lets add, I’m not as easily swayed as these guys and others had insinuated. Purity isn’t passive, it’s active obediance. It’s strength. Not for the sake of looking untouched, but for the sake of being aligned with God’s design and goodness. Not for the sake of me looking like little miss perfect, but for the purpose of striving towards the perfection of Christ. A reflection not of self but of Him.
Today, I walk with women of God who are pursuing Him and who challenge and inspire me. I am in a relationship with a man of God who sees me as a partner in righteousness rather than a symbol of innocence to exploit. I am beautifully encouraged by the people God has placed in my life. I’ve grown, through these Christ-centered relationships, to see a clearer reflection of how God sees me in purity, not as someone to be sexualized or diminished, but as someone worthy of respect, dignity, and encouragment.
Purity is a beautiful thing. It is part of God’s original design for us. Not to shame or shrink us, but to free and redeem us. Purity isn’t something to be pitied but something to be protected. Not because we are afraid of the world, but because we know whos we are and what our ultimate worth is. We do not guard purity and our hearts out of fear but out of reverance for the One who made us, redeemed us, and calls us His own.
