Valuing Relationships
June 24, 2023
Value the relationships of those you feel valued by.
Those who don’t make the effort to make you feel valued like you deserve to feel... there’s better out there... the world is too big and life is too short to hold on to things/relationships that hurt you, to live in the past, to hold on to what could be.
Doesn’t mean if somethings not perfect, leave. That’s not realistic. Also doesn’t mean that if the relationship is different than you anticipated, leave. Very few, maybe even zero, relationships will uphold your imaginary standard. Stop holding on to unrealistic expectations of a relationship built from idealized characteristics of a person or a dynamic. It’s not fair for you or for the person on the other side.
I’ve learned that possibly one of the worst things you could do for yourself is holding on to a “it could look like this.” (Working through this is more of a gray area in terms of relationships, friendships, etc., and I don’t have it shaded perfectly). Maybe it has looked like that, maybe it never did. Either way, it doesn’t look like that. And living in anything but the present is a time-waster.
Ultimately, if the other half of whatever relationship is consistently lacking in effort to legitimize your value (especially if you have communicated that to them and they aren’t changing anything), you deserve better. People realize the value you bring when you’re gone. And if they don’t ever seem to realize, that’s okay.
Tell them you love them. Pour your heart out. Do the little things. Cherish the person and relationship. And if you don’t get that I love you, the pouring out, the little things, the cherishing, the whatever it may be, in return... that’s okay. They don’t have to. No obligation. It simply means that they may not be the person that should have the privilege to be involved in your life, to be prioritized and invested in. Because you are a prize. A prize to be won and appreciated.
And if you’re leaving a relationship and moving forward, the goal should be not to look for what’s what’s better than the other, but to seek what’s best for you. Leave comparison out. Comparison kills. And if you are truly moved on and healed from someone, they shouldn’t hold a place in your mind to be a comparing factor. But that’s a side note. We grow in and out of relationships... that’s okay too, and another side note.
For both hypothetical (or very real) parties of a potential one-sided relationship: take a moment to think about the people you care about. Maybe you don’t feel undervalued. Maybe you’re undervaluing. That could be harsh. But maybe it’s not. Something to reflect on. Maybe, I hope, there is one or are multiple relationships you do feel valued in. I will say, it is nearly impossible, to express to the ones you deeply care for, how much you truly care about them. But it’s a beautiful thing to receive glimpses of appreciation and love, and the impossibility of expressing the extent of love and appreciation should only excel one to make attempts in doing so. Does that make sense? Might be a jumble of words, hopefully you’ll resonate with some.
But, in light of what I just shared, have you reached out to them? Have you told them how you feel about them? Have you expressed to them what they mean to you? I don’t do it enough. Here’s a reminder for both of us to try.
There is a question of balance here: how do you recognize differences in personality and communication and having grace with someone because of those differences? Maybe that leads to this:
There’s a point of the need for different types of relationships. People we envision having great relationships with may not work out that way. We can’t all be best friends. There are some surface level acquaintances. Some deep rooted friendships. Some we talk to constantly. Some we don’t talk to for months or years but still feel close to. So a question could be am I being undervalued, or do I have a different perspective of what the relationship is? Either way, if there is anything but the resulting feelings of a life-giving relationship present in your life, maybe there’s something to evaluate and reflect on.
And we’re not perfect. But, again, we do owe it to ourselves to evaluate the relationships we place value in and ask, am I feeling valued by the people I’m valuing? A balance of critical thinking without overthinking. Life is short, but the things we invest in in life is SO important... crucial even.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, ultimately, people will disappoint. God doesn’t. Place our ultimate value in ourselves in what HE says about us. As a follower of Christ, I am a daughter of the one true King. I have value that goes beyond this life, and I am grounded in that confidence of value. It doesn’t mean that people in my life that I encounter have no effect on how I think or feel. They 100% do. That’s human nature. A complexity of life. HOWEVER, they will not and should never have more of an impact than the One who knows and loves me the deepest and most abundantly, Jesus Christ.
Last thing. For now. Your cup should be so filled that when people come in and out if your life, you don’t feel any sort of hole. You want whole relationships. Those that build you up. Not hole relationships. Fillers. Temporary satisfactions. Fall in love with the Lord, the One who can fully sustain you. Fall in love with the person He tells you that you are. When your focus is on this, your life builds from there, he provides. And everything you gain is a bonus. And everything you don’t have is not needed in the moment, the space, the place you’re in. Trust that. Commit to that.
We’re all living life for the first time. Let’s live it with intentionality.
